Judge not

The last year before I left my job in June 2015 was tough. It was filled with conflict, struggles, tug-of-wars, politics, hurt, frustration and disappointments. It definitely lost its luster. I was beat up and badly bruised by the sequence of events that exposed a lot of people that were in my life. People flipping the truth, twisting my words, telling blatant lies and some of this was from people whose truth dare not be questioned. During the last 6 months, I thought there were cameras somewhere because my life literally became the best reality show on TV to date. Trust me.

I'm telling you! Clearly, God was annoyed with me for ignoring His previous "pushes" and now, He was going to make it so I basically had no choice but to leave. [Anyone been there before?] But even in all of His frustration with me, He made it so that I was able to leave on my own terms, and plan for my family. Even when life seems to hate my guts, He is so good to me. And I am the LAST person to deserve it. 

Last year was the most revealing, adventurous and by far the loneliest year of my life. I battled with depression and major anxiety BIG TIME. I finally got on medication to help me get things under control and if you know anything about me, you know the situation must have been pretty desperate for me to medicate. I was in therapy with one of the best therapists around and boy did she help me unlock my own Pandora's Box. A necessary but very painful process. Even throughout all of that, I think the greatest pain came when someone very near and dear to me, turned on me and stabbed me in the back. And then, while the blood from my back was dripping down her hands, she still tried to smile in my face and hug me. What?!! Talk about DIRTY. The only thing worse than a liar is a passive aggressive one. But even though I couldn't control her actions, I could control my own. How come everybody else could see her for who she was? Why did I keep believing and trusting in the friendship? At the end of the day, I let her in. I needed to stop acting like the victim, put my big girl panties on and accept responsibility for my contribution to my mess. Once I did that, it got me thinking about a bigger question: 

What is it about human beings 

that makes us so judgmental? 

I really don't get it. 

Honestly, I probably would be more judgmental if I cared enough. I just don't. Don't get me wrong. I care about you as a person alive on this earth with struggles, victories, pain and peace. But I just don't have the emotional or mental energy to spend on your sin or failures. I have my own!! I'm still trying to get myself right, so I'm sorry, but I can't deal with you in that way right now. And that's just real talk. 

Where exactly did we get the high and mighty-ism that I see so often? Do you know what I am talking about or am I all alone on this branch out here? Either way, I have granted myself license to talk about it because this just so happens NOT to be one of my MANY struggles. lol! But I think about stuff like homosexuality. Why do Christians, in particular, make such a giant deal of it? Okay, okay, we think it's bad - I get it. But I thought that sin was sin? When did homosexuality become the greatest sin ever? Sometimes it even feels like because we aren't caught up in THAT particular sin then we get to talk bad about it. 

Moral of the story: 

I probably just lost every single follower I had now. All 5 of you. smh... 

I suppose this might be an appropriate time to step down from my lil soapbox. 

#sodone